BC Series: Continued
What If Question #1 :
What if my spouse and I don't hold the same convictions on this issue?

I hope that you have been following along at Phyllis's Blog as she has unpacked most (or all) forms of Family Planning, giving you information on each one, both what they do physically to your body and how each are approached morally. Please take time to read through the blogs or print them out to read later...they are so informative.
Now I am going to attempt to continue the series addressing a couple of questions that have come up over our discussions.
One of the most common fears when addressing the issue of Family Planning is that your spouse will not come to the same conclusions as you and that it will cause a major rift in your marriage. This fear is completely understandable because of the nature of this subject.
As I attempt to outline some suggestions on how to handle these particular situations, I humbly say that these suggestions are by no means an outline to getting your spouse to think your way. In fact, it is far from that. I pray you will seek the Lord with an earnest heart asking that He would make your heart and motives pure.

1) If you are the one who is convicted about the morality of the family planning method you are using and your spouse sees nothing wrong with it....

*Pray for Unity- My first suggestion is that you pray earnestly for unity (even before the subject is brought up if possible). Seek the Lord and his direction on how to approach discussions about this issue. The enemy would love to steal and kill the intimacy of your marriage so wage war in prayer.
* DO NOT NAG- This can go either way I guess, but I am specifically talking to wives here. Proverbs 27:15 likens nagging (or quarrelling) your husband with a dripping faucet! Give them time to adjust to new thoughts and ideas. Do all you can to be humble when presenting your convictions.
* AVOID MANIPULATION AT ALL COST!- I believe this is the most harmful approach, but sadly most people will manipulate with out even knowing they are doing it! On this point I must say that my husband and I have had SO many friends who marital problems stemmed from one of the two of them manipulating the other. (examples- a wife making a husband feel guilty for not wanting to have sex during the most fertile time. A husband making a wife feel intellectually inferior in order to get the end result they desire) There are practical ways to avoid manipulation. First I would say, remember you are not necessarily right. Hear out, with a good attitude all of what your spouse has to present. Avoid writing it off just because it is not the same opinion as yours. Secondly, and along the same lines, admit that your spouse is mature and can think logically and can come to right conclusions. Third and probably most important, do not communicate to them with the sole purpose of getting your way, be willing to communicate and come to an understanding.
* Present Solid Facts- Do not assume your spouse is going to come to the same conviction as you by reading some random persons blog. Search the Scriptures, do your research and present to your spouse hard facts and evidence of what you believe. You do not want to degrade the intelligence of your spouse by expecting them to be convinced by some random outside source. I am not saying, these blogs, and other random sources won't be helpful to begin the conversations, but do have more for them if they would like more.

2) If you see nothing wrong with the morality of your Family Planning and your spouse has different convictions...
* Be willing to listen- if you were the one with a strong conviction you would want your spouse to hear you out as well.
* Be kind- Choose your spouse over yourself until you can come to a conclusion you both agree on.
* Value your spouses view- Be willing to read what is presented. Do your own research not in effort to prove them wrong but with an open heart, valuing the seriousness of the issue to them.

I realize that this subject is so hard to address. Every one's situations are different and every ones spouses respond differently to situations. I understand that many people facing the convictions of the morality of certain Birth Controls do not have spouses that value their opinion and many do not have spouses who honor the Lord and His Word. If this is your situation or you know someone who is going through this journey, please feel free to comment additional advice and encouragement! We would love to join you in prayer through this time.

There are so many more scenarios and thing to address regarding this question.
I have asked my husband to guest blog to hopefully address somethings I have missed. Please add to this blog by commenting even more advice and approaches! If you have dealt with this issue personally we would love to hear your testimony!

Four Reasons Why I've Not Blogged Since Easter

Let me first say, the Birth Control Series is NOT over in fact it is going strong, I just haven't had a chance to link my sister-in-laws latest blogs. I think they are the most informative yet and well worth your time to read over. She is going through each method of Birth Control and exploring pros and cons of each. So far she has covered, Natural Family Planning, Barrier Methods, Withdrawal, and IUD's. Please stop in and read....HERE is the link.

Okay now back to my excuses...

1.) With this second pregnancy, I often find myself forgetting that I am even pregnant. I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous but I have just been so active and so busy, that I find myself going, "oh, wait, I cant do that, I am pregnant." Well last Monday, I went about my normal Monday, exercising, working on church and His Voice work while Titus is in school and normal every week house stuff like cleaning and mowing the lawn. That evening I found my self exhausted from the day. I was chatting with Vernon in his office and said something like, "man I am so tired," as I BELLY FLOPPED out of exhaustion onto a low twin bed. In mid fall, i realized what I had done and couldn't stop my fall. I immediately curled up into fetal position in pain and kept saying, "i cant believe i just did that!" Through the night I noticed little to no fetal movement, so naturally I was concerned. After waiting until the next afternoon with still no felt movement, I called my doc. He sent me straight to the Hospital. At the hospital, they monitored me for two hours and all was well. Then I started having contractions! (i am only 32 weeks along) They were 4 mins apart and not stopping, so they made me stay. After drinking, eating and moving positions, the contractions didn't stop so they gave me a shot to stop them. It worked great and so an hour later we were on our way home. At 1:30am the contractions came back. They lasted until 4am and I got them to stop. The next morning I called my friend Janelle for some advice and moral support. She advised me to call and tell my doctor that I had more contractions and so I did. He had me come back in and be checked. He released me to full activity...just no belly flopping! amen!

2.) This coming weekend we have a Board Meeting for our Non-Profit Ministry, His Voice for Sudan. I am the Treasurer and Secretary. So needless to say, I have a lot to prepare. Since we just started this Non-profit, I have had to read a lot of IRS info and learn a lot about things I knew NOTHING about. On the accounting side of things, I was determined to buy and learn Quick Books Pro before our meeting. I worked on it and watched tutorials for hours and each one made me feel more and more like a a moron. The lingo of QBpro is what threw me off. It is set up for businesses so everything is Invoice driven and our tiny little Non-profit has no, and never intends to have, customers and vendors! So I broke down and bought Quicken. To which I downloaded and fully finished EVERYTHING I needed done for the meeting in ONE of Titus' naps. It is so awesome...and I now feel a lot less incompetent.

3.) Titus has been extra needy and quite honestly, I have wanted to spend more time with him. I want to spend as much time as I can with him before the baby comes. Titus is a one-on-one kid. I mean, through and through. If you come and visit, he will ask you to come to his room and play...just you...no one else. He loves quality time. (and if you are laughing right now that God gave me, of all people, a one-on-one kid and a quality time kid then I know you know me well..these are not my strong suites!) Anyway, so I have been trying to be intentional to play with him and go out with him to places we love.

4.) I have been trying to read up on basic baby info, like breastfeeding and growth. I feel soooo far removed from these things. Also, we don't do the normal vaccination regimen so I am reading a book about Vaccines to brush up on what to ask for from my pediatrician.

well there you have it. my excuses. now, may my mind return to me so i can post more often!
Next up:
BC Series: The What If's and the long awaited... Deep Thoughts by Titus Burger

BC Part Three: Clearing the Air

As a result of the last two post some really great questions have been raised! We are loving all the responses and questions, although most of them have not been commented on the blog, but in phone calls, conversations and emails. Phyllis has responded to the question that has come up the most... "How do you determine that the fertilized egg is a baby at the time of fertilization as opposed to after it implants in the uterus (or sometime later)?"
This question is key to understanding the moral issues with certain birth control methods. We fully understand that there are ALOT of people who do not believe the way we do about this issue so we thought it would best if we "Cleared the Air" on how we come to these conclusions. We would LOVE to hear yours so please feel free to comment!

Again this is just a clip of what Phyllis wrote...please please please stop in and read the rest!
"Regarding the issue of fertilization vs. implantation as the point of imparted personhood, I don't think we need a ton of medical statistics to think wisely and correctly about this issue. Thank goodness! However, in order to come to a right conclusion, I think we do need to have a basic understanding of the process of human reproduction. So here goes... You start with "the act" (quoting the grandmother of one of our good friends). The sperm travel from the man, through the vagina, through the cervix, through the uterus, and into the fallopian tubes. There is generally one egg sitting in one fallopian tube. Some of the sperm make it through the treacherous obstacle course, get all the way to the egg, and attempt to break through the wall of the egg. One gets in, and the two cells (egg and sperm) mesh all their information and become one cell. Their DNA links pair up to form the complete chromosomal make-up of the baby.

The new cell immediately starts multiplying as one unit. It's a life with all the information necessary to develop throughout pregnancy, childhood, adulthood, and right up through death. The group of cells continues to multiply as it moves out of the fallopian tube and into the uterus, where it finds a nice place to implant and acquire necessary nutrients for continued growth (FYI--the placenta grows as an organ of the baby--with the baby's genetic makeup and not the mother's--and begins to function on its own over the course of the next two weeks).

The implantation into the uterus prompts the mother's body to produce a hormone called hCG, which basically tells the mother's brain to continue producing progesterone and estrogen in proportions that will not prompt the sluffing off of the uterine lining (and the baby). So you have a blessed 9 months without periods (or if you're like me, more like 21 months if you include the post-birth period-free time)!

These are all amazing functions of implantation in the uterus, but neither the nourishment nor the signal to the mother's hormones do anything to change the make-up of the "group of cells" that already existed. That, to me, is the profound truth that we need to understand. Basically, the cells implant in order to be nourished to keep growing and developing. They are not changed in any way. They were already living, completely-human cells and a sole entity before they implanted. The uterus imparts no humanity on the group of cells since they are completely-human cells on their own before they get to the uterus.

One way to look at it is this... I can make it a while without food and water, but if I go more than a few days with no nourishment or hydration at all, I will die. Once the egg is fertilized by the sperm, the two mesh together to form the complete genetic make-up of a human being, the "cell group" begins to multiply, and then travels through the fallopian tube into the uterus, it's just fresh out of juice! It needs nourishment, or else it will die. This is a common problem for humans at all stages, and it begins at fertilization.

The egg and sperm combo is a developing life right from the very beginning. It is a complete unit that simply needs nourishment to keep going. If we do things to alter the lining of the uterus so as to prevent implantation, all we are doing is preventing the nourishment of the already-existing life... so it dies. This is why we see any process, procedure, device, or chemical that contributes to the death of this life as abortifacient. It's either directly causing the already-living, completely and fully human life to die or removing its provision for survival. When we consider born humans, we see that there are ways to directly extinguish them (pushing them out of moving cars, shooting, etc.), and there are ways to prevent the provision of sustaining nutrition for them, so they end up dying on their own (i.e. locking them in a room without food and water). Either way, the end result is that the person is not alive anymore."

Next up....Part four: The What If's. I am working up a post about all the what if's that come up in regard to Birth Control and Family Planning like: What if my husband is not on board with my convictions regarding Birth Control? What if I am on the Pill for medical reasons (endometriosis or mood swings)? etc....DON'T MISS IT!
This is SOOO FUN thanks for joining us!

BC Part Two: Phyll's Story

I mentioned in a previous blog that I would be having a "guest blogger" as a part of this series. But after Phyllis and I talked about it, I decided that we are really doing this series together. My sister-in-law, Phyllis is very educated on the topic of Birth Control and Family Planning. She and her husband, Chet have taken courses, read books, listen to many teachers, read articles and met with people like Dr. and Mrs. Molher (the president of Southern Seminary) regarding these issues. She is posting my blogs and I will be posting hers as this series unfolds. I encourage you to stop by her blog and comment as well.
She started by sharing her story and it is well worth reading. Like mine, it is pretty long, but PLEASE take time to read it...it is so good. For this post, I am just going to copy and paste a couple of exerts so as to entice you to make it over to her blog for the rest....it is so worth it!

"I had graduated from college and was gainfully employed. Chet, however, was raising support to pay his salary as a part-time associate pastor at a church plant in town. He had two other jobs in addition. Oh, and he was part of a band that traveled quite often, especially on the weekends. We were busy, didn't really have "all that much money", and were working to pay off Chet's undergrad student loans. So we still weren't ready to start "trying" to have kids. Our mindset was that, if we're not ready to start trying, then we're preventing and there's no reason to go off the pill. We didn't discuss it much. It was just part of the normal routine, and if I forgot to take it one day, we just made sure we were careful. Pretty simple.

At this time, I was hanging out a lot with a good friend of mine named Angie. We would walk at a nearby park after work quite frequently. She too was on the pill and hadn't thought twice about it, especially since her cycles were strange (this is why it was initially prescribed to her). Her husband heard some stuff about how it was possible that the pill could be an abortifacient (it could cause abortions of fertilized eggs... aka babies). So he started researching. He came to the conclusion that Angie should stop taking the pill immediately. She nearly freaked out! They still weren't ready to have kids because of some circumstances in their lives, so they enrolled in a Natural Family Planning class at the local Catholic church. I basically watched Angie walk through all of this, but I was still a little bit skeptical of what her husband was saying.

That's when I started researching for myself. Any of you who know me well are aware of the fact that I love to learn, and if there's something I don't know much about, it kind of (or REALLY) bothers me. Realizing that this could possibly be a moral issue, I researched with gusto. Angie shared some things with me that they had come across. I forgot to mention that, in the process of all the aforementioned stuff in their lives, they were converting from Protestantism to Catholicism. As a result of this and the fact that they took the class at the Catholic church, most of the resources were produced by the Catholic church. In my mind, there was no inherent problem with the Catholic church producing useful resources that I could learn from even though I wasn't Catholic. The problem I was running into is that, in the things I was reading, most of the reasons why a person shouldn't use the pill were based on what the Pope said and not on what the Bible said.

I continued my research. I basically got online and typed "Oral Contraceptives as Abortifacient" in my search engine window. Immediately, all kinds of articles popped up, and many of them were written by Protestant authors. Wow! Can I just say that this whole time I never knew this was even a question I should be asking! It was just something everyone did. I had NEVER heard this discussion brought up in any of the Protestant churches I had been part of (and for that matter, I had never even heard it as a discussion among my Catholic friends, who were admittedly nominal Catholics, but still... shouldn't I have heard this SOMEWHERE?).

Actually, it was this shocking moment 5 years ago that has prompted countless hours of research, interviewing, praying, thinking, etc. and that has produced in me a great desire to make it known that there is indeed a moral aspect of decisions regarding family planning and birth control methods, and people need to be able to make INFORMED decisions. Further, there have been many people who have come to us asking us to discuss our journey and our findings in the past, and we assume that there are many others that would ask about if they knew it was something to be discussed. Hence the blog series.

Okay, back to my story. I researched a lot. I read the articles from both sides. I read the Physician's Desk Reference listings for all the types of hormonal birth control that were on the market as well as devices like the IUD. After HOURS of reading from both sides of the issue and tossing these things around in my mind throughout a lot of sleepless nights, and after a lot of talking and praying with Chet, we came to a conclusion... finally. We determined that because it seemed very clear that there is at least a possibility that the birth control pill (of any kind) renders the uterine lining so hostile that it could make it impossible for the already-fertilized egg to implant (thereby aborting the baby), we could not in good conscience continue taking the pill. We recognized the IUD as abortifacient right away because one of its main functions is to irritate and thicken the lining of the uterus to "sluff off" the fertilized egg (which is a baby because it's already fertilized even if it's not implanted). That meant that the IUD and other such devices were also out of the question. So what would we do? Barrier methods don't always have the best track record."

Phyll's story goes on and she recounts life and family planning decisions after baby number one, Ladan came by C-section and then baby number two, Gabe did as well. What do they do facing continued C-sections and the effects on her body....seriously dont miss it.
Please visit her blog for the rest...it is SO good!
She ends by linking an excellent article by Dr. Al Mohler that we both think is a MUST READ!

Can Christians Use Birth Control by Dr. Albert Mohler
In his conclusion he writes, ""For evangelicals, much work remains to be done. We must build and nurture a new tradition of moral theology, drawn from Holy Scripture and enriched by the theological heritage of the church. Until we do, many evangelical couples will not even know where to begin the process of thinking about birth control in a fully Christian frame. It is high time evangelicals answered this call."

BC Part One:
From A Chemical Decision to a Morality Issue.

As of lately, I have had so many people interested in talking to me about Birth Control and why our family chooses to do things the way we do. I have been wanting to write this series of blogs for a long while now, but have waited for the right timing...it tends to be such a sensitive subject. I love talking about this issue because of the incredible impact that it has made on our life and marriage, but I do realize it is not the easiest thing to discuss. It has taken us on a five year journey with the Lord that has lead us to a much deeper love and trust in Him.

I thought that the best way to start this series is to give our personal testimony on the issue and link some of our favorite articles and sermons on the issue. As you read, please know that this is what the Lord has done in our life...seek Him on the issue and He will resolve in your heart what is right for your family. I know it looks long, but please do endure.

OUR STORY

A couple months before Vernon and I got married, I went to my very first OBGYN appointment. At this, I got prescribed 'the pill' so as to regulate my cycle before our wedding day. This was totally not thought through or anything. I just went in because I thought that is "just what you do." For two months I had these episodes of crashing blood-sugar and light headedness. I would go through surges of emotions and just crash into sleep....it was crazy and completely not like me. The second month I went a week with no problems....and then it dawned on me that that was the week I was taking the placebo pill. So I noted that in my mind and continued taking the pill as directed. The next week it got so much worse that I was crashing HARD, virtually passing out...but conscience. One night this episode happened at my aunts house and Vernon came running into the room, I was crying in the midst of my semi-conscieness and somehow I muttered to him that I thought the Pill was causing this. Vernon decided that we should figure out another way of birth control and I agreed. This was only a month away from our wedding night, so this was not far out to be deciding on our future! What we walked through together that last month brought us so close to each other but even more importantly it built our Love and Trust in the Lord. We were faced with the Truth of His word and had to decide if we REALLY believed it. Did we really believe that God had numbered our days and therefore numbered our children's days? Did we believe that God would not give us more than we could handle? Did we believe that He was our ultimate satisfaction, not time with each other before children? Did I really believe that the Scripture calls children an reward/ blessing of the Lord? Did we believe that He was Sovereign over the affairs of man? Or were all of these truths and many more just ideologies we claimed when it made us feel better.
So at that point we concluded that God gave us wisdom and abilities to make decisions but ultimately it was His Sovereign hand that fashioned and formed our family. Now this did not mean just haphazardly going about our intimate life and not paying attention to the situation we were in financially or just assuming we were mature enough for children. It did mean however, that we relinquished control over the size and timing of our family. It meant we asked the Lord to reveal to us His good timing, in whatever way He liked.
So this issue for us started as a chemical issue and then made its way to a Trust issue and a Control issue.
After the Trust issue was resolved I began looking into alternative ways of contraceptive and what I found was astounding. I had no idea that birth control was in anyway a morality issue. I had not idea that OBGYNs are divided across the board on certain birth controls being abortive. Being extremely pro-life and in complete fear of facing the Lord and Him saying we had had a fertilized egg that was not able to implant in the womb because of a chemical I ingested, I immediately began to read anything and listen to anything I could get my hands on....I wanted to know both sides and what each side said in full. And basically my conclusion was to opt to side on the safe side and avoid any potentially abortive birth control methods.
Yes, we did get pregnant three months into our marriage, but it was not a surprise to us, we knew we were probably going to be. Many people who do not do "natural family planning" give it a hard time and tease about how many kids NFP people have. But to them I will say, we are just now pregnant after 3 1/2 years of an awesome intimate marriage...and we knew about this one too. So there are ways to control that are not potentially hazardous to you or your babies....but in the end, God has numbered the days of your sweet children, they are a reward from Him and He will give you the grace to carry them! amen.

The Links

My favorite sermon so far that i have heard on this topic is by Marc Driscoll and here is the link for that

http://www.marshillchurch.org/sermonseries/religionsaves/week_01.aspx

The first link is my over all favorite article but the rest are great as well:

http://www.epm.org/pdf/bcpill.pdf

http://epm.org/bcp.html

http://www.aaplog.org/decook.htm

http://www.aaplog.org/collition.htm

http://www.aaplog.org/responsetoacogethicscommittee385.htm

http://www.abort73.com/HTML/II-D-2-types.html